I remember that day clearly, I decided that I was no longer going to have someone hold the pen to my story. No longer people please and let other people dictate how I saw myself.
That was the day everything changed. It didn’t all happen at once, I took one day at a time learning to become comfortable with that decision. Some decisions that I knew would be good for me were harder than others. For example the day an ex close friend sent me some abuse over a social network, her words really hurt me, I spent the day having panic attacks over and over again internalising what she said I was well and truly gutted and looked up painless ways to kill myself . Wondering why she choose such a public place to say such things? There are so many other ways to contact me that if she wanted to and felt that way, but this felt like public humiliation for everyone to see. It was after that that I closed one last door and it was on that friendship. Sounds dramatic but when I did that it felt like I had to grieve its ending, I cried so much that it had come to that.
But the destruction had become too much, my self esteem and self worth had become too dependent on others and something had to change, I’d become a jumpy, shell, that was skinny, pale and introverted and unhappy.
If you rest your happiness in someone else’s hands you will always be unhappy but if you take it and own it you will always feel much more in control of your feelings and empowered in who you are.
Purge those who bring you down and feel they can dominate your happiness. Take the power back for yourself with no excuses .